Woozy

Sorry for not posting anything for the past week and a half.  I have not been well.

On Thursday I blacked out, the car i was in seemed as if it was spinning, in fact it felt like the whole world was spinning around.  I felt so out of control.  My equilibrium was off, so i knelt on the sidewalk vomiting, and disorientated.  A brother helped me back to the church.  Physically speaking it was one of the worst feelings i have experienced.  I laid on the stairs that lead up to the second floor thinking about Jed and Jeru and Julie and wondering what would become of them should i pass.  Kind of morbid, but candidly those were my all consuming thoughts.  Part of the human condition is to care and worry, protect and provide for those who need you most.  As ready as i am for the facing death, I fight against it so that i can make sure those i love are provided for and cared for.  Although i have life insurance i still feel compelled to meet spiritual needs and emotional and familial needs.

The symptoms of dizziness persisted through the weekend forcing me to miss church on Sunday.  And they continued through today forcing me to miss my class at Western Seminary. 

I finally pushed aside my male ego and went to the doctor a while ago.  They ran a couple tests, EKG, and I am scheduled for some more testing tomorrow.  My blood pressure was a little high--that feels so weird to say. I dont have a family history and I exercise regularly. Stress?  I dont know, but there has been a lot of it the past two months.  Church related issues.  Money.  A couple problematic people. Wishing i was further along than i am.  Having so much to be thankful for but blinded by my inability to move to the next level.  But doesnt everyone  struggle with this?   

Sunday I could hear the church singing downstairs.  I lifted my hands in the our living room and prayed and cried.  I kept hearing the Spirit, "I'm all that matters.  I'm all that matters."  I repeated that over and over to God, "You are all that matters.  You really are.  None of this is important."

The doctor has started me on some antibiotics.  I may have an infection. I am praying and trusting God that it is nothing, just a little stress or infection.

Comments

[aaron g]

Jeff, sorry to hear this. You are in our prayers.

[Justin Proulx]

Hey Jeff,

We heard that you weren't doing too well. Class went quite well, and the testimony that Scott shared was amazing.

Hope to see you in two weeks. Get better.

Justin

[Jaime G]

We'll keep you in our prayers... Keep us posted on how you are feeling. I wonder if there is a virus going around; I had terrible dizziness on Monday and my mother did today. None was quite as severe as what you described, though. You may need to take a sabbath and just... rest =)

[Thaddeus Lee, III]

Jeff,
I think you really needed the rest. And it's ok to rest. Whenever you come back...You'll be fresh and ready to go...Just remember to pace yourself :)

Thaddeus

[Justin Richardson]

Jeff,
You are in our prayers. Thank you for the conversations these past months. I have grown so much. Get well!

Justin

[ellen stevens]

i hate to hear that. i've battled vertigo since a car accident years ago; there are few things more debilitating, and more elusive to pinpoint. i definitely understand.

toby and i will be absolutely praying with you. peace. healing. rest. strength. mobility. hope. wisdom. passion. inspiration. courage. favor. blessings to all of your family.

[Dave Gray]

Jeffrey, hope you are feeling better. My unqualified diagnosis; a lack of Barth!

[Brian LePort]

Good to hear your back in the saddle.